Once Upon a Time in Bolivia

Once upon a time a curious traveler made her way to a far away land.

She heard this far away land was full of mystery and magic, witches and kings, treasures and tales and the curious traveler just had to know.

But getting into this far away land required the traveler pass a test.

See there is a secret door to enter this far away land and to get in you have to pass a test because this far away land doesn’t trust curious travelers.

And to pass the test you have to get past the gatekeepers and there are a lot of gatekeepers.

The first gatekeeper the curious traveler met wanted many scrolls and the curious traveler gave the gatekeeper all the scrolls she had but it wasn’t enough.

So the traveler had to go get more scrolls and come back. But this time the traveler met another gatekeeper and this gatekeeper wanted something else. He had a question that the traveler had to answer correctly to pass through the door. And the question the traveler had to answer:

Will you marry me?

And the traveler thought wow, I have a weird life sometimes and then realized she had to answer this question just right to get into the kingdom.

But this traveler was a smart traveler and she knew how to answer this question. She read that the real key to getting anything done in Bolivia is with a good laugh…..

So she smiled and made a joke and they laughed and she winked and like magic she was in! No marriage required.

The first thing this curious traveler found in this far away land was a hidden paradise. This hidden paradise had castles and dances and dragons and sunsets and then there was more! Inside this hidden paradise there was a secret island. To get to this island the curious traveler had to cross a sacred lake. This sacred lake was full of gods and life and peace and beauty and the curious traveler really felt like she was in a magical land. But even in this magical land the curious traveler had to be careful and not take the wrong path, because taking the wrong path led could lead to adventures with a less magical vibe. (I visited the south part of the island with many other travelers and it was perfectly safe.)

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And the curious traveler was very happy and the curious traveler wanted to stay longer but she knew there were more adventures ahead.

So she went on to the fabled city in the clouds.

The fabled city was everything she’d heard and more. 

There were flying cars. (The cable car system is incredible).

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And backwards clocks. (Really, read the story).

And zebra crossing guards. (This is actually pretty cool).

And a crazy circus for people who break the rules. The crazy circus has tours and families and restaurants and even makes magic fairy dust and if you time it just right they might throw some out to you in a diaper. (I did not go on a tour inside the crazy circus or catch any flying magic fairy dust.)

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And there were witches and spells and shamans everywhere.

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And the curious traveler was in awe. This certainly was a fantasy land!

So the curious traveler found a shaman and asked him to tell her the truth.

What is your question he asked?

Will I ever find true love? she said.

And the shaman shuffled the coca leaves and laughed.

You have had very bad luck he says. (Wow, this shaman is really good she thinks!) But I can cure your bad luck for you. 

It’ll only cost $10. 

And the curious traveler does some math in her head about how much money she’s spent asking this very question when the cure only costs $10 and says why the hell not that’s a bargain. Let’s do it.

Then he takes some of this and a little bit of that (but no llamas!) and pours something on it and lights it on fire. 

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And the curious traveler wonders what’s next. 

Now all of these stories were more fantastic than anything the traveler had ever known. But then the traveler found the most fascinating thing of all.

This far away land had a king. 

Now the people of this far away land don’t like kings. They don’t like kings so much that that have made almost 200 kings leave, sometimes alive and sometimes not. And if they really don’t like the king they’ll also burn down the king’s house. They didn’t like three kings so much that they did just that. 

But this king was different. This king was very popular when he was elected because he was one of the people. Not a king like the other kings but a king of the people. And the people were happy. The king did all kinds of popular things for the people. He stopped the flying birds from the other kingdom from destroying the people’s plants and made them leave the far away land. And the people were happy.

Then the king said they needed to change the name of the country to reflect the power of the people. And so the king changed the name of the far away land in the constitution from The Republic of Bolivia to the Plurinational State of Bolivia. And the people were happy.

And the king asked to be king again and the people said yes!

Now the king felt very loved so he built himself a very big house because the people loved him so much. This house was a special house that the people couldn’t burn down and that was good because the people loved the king.

But in this far away land you can only be king for two terms. It said so in the constitution of this far away land and the people liked that.

So when the king started to run a campaign to be king for a third term, the people got confused. But king, the constitution says you can only be king for two terms. Why are you asking for a third term?

The king laughed. Silly people, that was the old constitution. You see when we changed the name of the country we effectively created a new constitution. So under this new constitution I have served only one term and I can be king for another term.

The people didn’t like this at all but said well, I guess the jokes on us. We don’t know about all this but fine, one more term then no more ok?

And the king got to be king a third time. But now the king was not so popular. The king took more for himself and the people were not happy. But it was almost over. When the king finished his third term there would be new hope for the people. So the people were patient and were excited about the new election.

Until the king announced the wanted to be king for forever. 

And this time the people marched and shouted and said Hell No!

So the king said fine. If you really don’t want me to be king for life then say so with your vote. And the king held a referendum asking: Can I be king forever and the people again said Hell No! with their vote.

But the king didn’t like this and said he didn’t care anyway and would never ask their opinion again.

So instead of listening to the people, he went to see his special friends. And he told his special friends he should be king forever. Even though the constitution of the far away land said he could only be king for two terms and he had already served three, he was so special he should be king forever.

And the special friends went behind the secret curtain and talked and thought and came back out and made a decision without the people. The special friends decided that even though being king forever was not allowed in this far away land because of the constitution, keeping the king from running for a fourth term would be a violation of the king’s human rights. 

And so the king is running for king in the next election. And the people are waiting to vote in the next election. And the curious traveler wonders what will happen in the next election.

And the curious traveler went home and thought about all the things she’d seen and all the people she’d met and all the stories she heard. And she thought, you know, I sure did like those zebras but I’m really glad we don’t have a king.

Love,

rk

PS. I am not in Bolivia. I am in Bali. I was in Bolivia six months ago but I’ve wanted to post about this trip since I left and I finally had time to sit down and put my thoughts together about it. Hope you like it. And now, back to Bali.